Self-sacrifice is a modern dilemma, that we have carried through from the ancient past. It is a belief system that is reinforced by the beliefs that:
- ‘we all have a cross to bear’
- it is better to give in, to keep the peace
- that we are being kind, and protecting others feelings, by allowing them to inconvenience us in some way.
- that it is somehow a good and spiritual act to save the world, and compromise our own happiness, by being a martyr.
What if we were in fact giving our power away, to the detriment of ourselves, AND others, by continuing to self-sacrifice….. by continuing to be a martyr? For every martyr, there is a manipulator. If we freely give our energy away for the wrong reasons, there will always be an opportunist who takes it, and then wants more. This is usually not a conscious state of being, and from the spiritual perspective, is borne from the desire to feel better about ourselves, and make others feel better about themselves. It is our deep desire to ‘save the world’. Indeed, it can be a startling fact to discover about your own behaviour, and that of others, however, once identified and transformed within yourself, you can be that greater, more authentic version of yourself. This also allows others to transform and be a greater version of themselves too.
Here are 10 signs of self-sacrifice behaviours, and the negative effects they can have on us:
- You give up your personal dreams because your family or friends don’t agree with them. Eventually, this erodes your sense of worth and purpose in life, causing underlying disappointment, depression, anxiety, and low self worth.
- You work hours of unpaid overtime every week, so your boss’s business runs more smoothly, or to keep up with your excessive workload. You are overwhelmed, stressed, angry, bitter and become ill. Eventually, you may suffer burn-out. The more you give, the more they will take.
- You put up with being bullied or mis-treated at work, for your pay packet. You feel hopeless, victimised, angry, and with low self worth.
- You put the material wants of your children first, so that they don’t feel they have less than the other kids at school. You feel they will only love you if you give them the material stuff, or that others will judge you as a bad parent. This teaches them that self worth comes from material things, and fails to acknowledge their inherent gifts, abilities and uniqueness. Your love, time and wisdom are the most valuable things you can give them, and allows them to be independent and create things for themselves.
- You buy your kids material items or give them unhealthy foods, so that they don’t complain. You feel powerless, and frustrated, and it may contribute to financial scarcity. It teaches the child that they don’t need to respect others, and that others are to blame for how they feel.
- You run your business 7 days a week, believing that your constant availability will keep your clients loyal. Is the customer always right? Not if it means you cannot be authentic. By doing what you love, and placing boundaries around that so YOU have balance in your life, you can make the greatest contribution. The right customers will always show up, and respect you for who you are. Invariably, when we produce a product or service that the customer says they want, the ones who asked for it don’t show up, and they don’t buy it.
- You pack your partner’s suitcase, because he/she might forget something, which will cause further problems. This is one of many examples where we do things for the other to avoid further work for ourselves. Are you mothering your partner, so he/she doesn’t have to grow up and take personal responsibility? This can create bitterness, hatred, conflict and overwhelm. Your partner holds this power in this situation, rather than you both being empowered, and enjoying the benefits of personal achievement, AND even partnership.
- You allow ‘friends’ to stay with you until they overstay their welcome, and you say nothing, even when it costs you money and prevents you from enjoying the home space you have created for yourself. While you are considering their feelings by saying nothing, are these friends you really want? You cannot be responsible for how others feel, when you honestly state the truth. Again, they own your power and take your energy. You feel bad, and they continue to consume your hospitality.
- You continually give time, energy or money to a charitable cause, to the detriment of your own lifestyle or wellbeing. You feel overwhelmed, used and perhaps financially compromised. Are you in fact paying the wages of the administrators, and the problem, the cause, is continuing without resolution?
- You worry about everyone else’s problems and illness. You feel bad for them and take on their anxiety, complaints, and heartaches. Does this help them feel better, or solve their problems? You can guide them but you cannot change their experience. Do this enough, and you will become physically sick.
Attitude is everything
If you willingly, and happily do the above things without judgement, and they are a positive contribution to your sense of wellbeing, then keep doing them… you are not a martyr, and quite possibly a saint!
However, if you are a pushover, choosing to suffer at the hands of others, then it is time to regain your power. And if you are someone who always looks to others to make you feel happy, important and powerful, then you also could benefit by learning how to use your own power, not others.
We already have what we are looking for. Each of us has unlimited personal power, divine gifts and unlimited potential for personal happiness and achievement. To access it, we need to commit to changing our beliefs, habits and clearing the ‘biology of our beliefs’ from our DNA, spiritual and otherwise. It takes daily work, awareness and commitment, but is a worthy and fulfilling journey.
If you are ready to stop being a pushover, and start using you voice in a more authentic way, with assertiveness, rather than aggression, then the time is now. This is the path to inner peace, and our inner peace, shapes the peace of the new world. The purpose of life is joy…. are you ready to embrace yours?
ABOUT the AUTHOR
Helly Beks is a Forensic Healer, Soul Practitioner and former Self-Sacrificer. She has beaten cancer twice (conventionally, and non-conventionally), and learned how adversity can be the road to personal authenticity, and personal freedom. She wants you to value yourself enough and live large, because humanity needs your uniqueness. This is the road to peace. Helly believes ‘we are our own guru’, and by learning how to use our discernment, intuition, soul wisdom, and the Laws of the Universe, we build and create our personal prosperity. Life is meant to be felt. It’s time to reconnect with your soul.
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